Today I feel different as compared to yesterday. I had to reassure myself that all is well; I owed this to myself honestly.
A couple of weeks back I was ok and full of energy. I was feeling good about myself and everything was exciting until this one day. On this particular day I had a very serious quarrel with someone. As much as I was hurt and paining deep inside; it came to my awakening as well that I battle with these emotions most often. When I hurt a lot I get angry and until I deal with my anger and hurt, I do not come back easily. I kind of stay in that bubble and enjoy rehearsing all the drama. In many instances it is the “blame game” because I always defend myself. I prefer to hurt than take the blame and this situation hurts more; worse when I keep it within me.
One of the teachings I have learned growing up is to I try not to be angry, but sometimes my sensitivity overtakes my thinking and I let lose of everything. I know as I write this some are thinking “what is wrong with being angry? It is normal , it’s human !” Let me tell you something “anger” steals a lot of things in you” when you allow it without you being aware of that. It steals your joy, peace, happiness, humility, kindness, love; you lose your connection with God, grace crumbles; the glory of God leaves you, you lack wisdom and you feel naked and empty. You feel lonely because the Holy Spirit is not there with you. You just see the world and everything is hard and heavy. The lightness you were feeling when you were in the presence of God is not there anymore; the Christ you felt that was carrying your every burden is not there ( you feel all the weight yourself ) and you can’t take it. Be careful not to grieve the Holy Spirit by the things that we do and the scripture is clear that we should not do them
Yesterday with my Bible Study group, I learned from Ephesians 4: 25-32 that I cannot continue to experience of God if this area in my life is still the same. I need to conquer my weakness of being angry as a child of God; I am not resembling any character of Christ by keeping my anger and issues to an extent of keeping it for future reference. Today I went back to the same scripture and I reread it for more times and still God spoke the same message. I am sharing this message to you and I know that someone somewhere needs to hear this. I was humbled by this verse that said, “Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need” Ephesians 4: 28 I said to God, “Lord if I have been stealing your time here on earth for things unworthy, use me to use your time to be fruitful and share with your children” So, He gave me this testimony to share with you today. I pray that it impacts the lives of those in need because it changed mine too.
Today I learned that:
1. We should not lie (to others and to ourselves too)
2. We should not allow ourselves to be anger for anger brood in sin
3. We should not go to bed angry (we should allow ourselves to release anger quickly)
4. We should not steal (not money only) anything considered valuable (that includes time) but we should work and do something useful and share with the needy
God is restoring me for His greatness and He is doing that for you well